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26 Jokes in Religious Joke (6 pag.)



:: Meeting the Pope    
Joke : Religious Joke
Total votes Joke : 2
Score Joke : 3.50

A rich American tourist was holidaying in Rome, and was intent on seeing the Pope. There he stood, in a big long line with a rather expensive suit on, hoping the Pope would notice how smart he was and perhaps talk a few words with him.

As the Pope made his way slowly down the line, he walked right past the American, hardly even noticing him.

The Pope then stopped next to a low-life sot, leaned over and whispered something in the sot's ear, and made his way on again.

This really angered the American. After speaking with the drunkard, the American agreed to pay $1000 dollars to exchange clothing, in the hope that the Pope would speak to him the next day.

The next morning the American stood in the line, waiting to see the Pope and hopefully exchange a few words. The Pope was making his way slowly up to the American. When he finally reached him, he leaned over to the American and spoke softly into his ear..

"I thought I told you yesterday to get the f**k out of here."

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:: You know you are in a Texas church when    
Joke : Religious Joke
Total votes Joke : 2
Score Joke : 3.50

People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.

The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys stand up.

The restrooms are outside.

Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

When it rains, everyone is smiling.

Prayers regarding the weather are standard practice.

The choir group is known as the "OK Chorale".

The pastor wears boots.

Four generations of the same family sit together in worship.

There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.

Baptism is referred to as "branding".

There is a special fund raiser for a new septic tank.

Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.

High notes on the organ can set the dogs to howling.

People wonder, when Jesus fed 5000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.

People think "rapture" is when you lift something too heavy.

The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now, ya hear?"

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:: Your Daughter is Pregnant    
Joke : Religious Joke
Total votes Joke : 2
Score Joke : 3.50

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen.

It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!"

The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.

The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.

The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"

"Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they'd show up again, and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!"

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:: Revelation 3:20    
Joke : Religious Joke
Total votes Joke : 2
Score Joke : 3.00

A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners.

All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times.

Finally, he took out his card and wrote on the back: Revelation 3:20 and stuck it in the door.

The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was the notation Genesis 3:10.

Revelation 3:20 reads: "Behold I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me."

Genesis 3:10 reads: "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked."

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:: A Brief Guide To Religious Philosophies    
Joke : Religious Joke
Total votes Joke : 2
Score Joke : 3.00

Catholicism: If shit happens, I deserve it.

Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder.

Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to me?

Buddhism: When shit happens, is it really shit?

Islam: If shit happens, take a hostage.

Hinduism: This shit happened before.

Hare Krishna: Shit happens Rama Lama Ding Dong.

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.

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26 Jokes Religious Joke(6 pag.)